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SB Wright 🇦🇺's avatar

Hi Chris 👋. I actually like the original formation of your haiku ie on the tent/ the first morning /cicada shell . I think the “fragment” rolls off the tongue a bit better and I still made the conection to or the juxapostion of tent and shell. To my ear, dropping “on” does make it sound very harsh and direct. Perhaps because Im never up quickly when hiking 😁

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